


Passion Fruit

by Janamelie



Category: Red Dwarf (UK TV)
Genre: Implied Sexual Content, M/M, fruit porn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-21 14:40:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21283031
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Janamelie/pseuds/Janamelie
Summary: So what happened during the crew's lengthy off-screen journey to India in "Lemons"?  Hopefully this.This is a remix of "Feeling Fruity" by Felineranger.
Relationships: Dave Lister/Arnold Rimmer
Comments: 16
Kudos: 38
Collections: Red Dwarf Fic Remix Fest 2019





	Passion Fruit

**Author's Note:**

  * For [felineranger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Feeling Fruity](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4284099) by [felineranger](https://archiveofourown.org/users/felineranger/pseuds/felineranger). 

> Bananas do not feature in this fic. ;)

It was a royal pain at first, no denying it. A six-month trek across the ancient world, dependent on carts, various temperamental animals and rickety boats to get from place to place. Or, most often, their own aching feet.

Rimmer and Kryten were fine in that respect, of course, not that you’d have known it from the hologram’s complaining. Between that, Cat’s wailing about blisters ruining his shoes and the constant depressing reminder that his own body - never that of an athlete to begin with - was now middle-aged and losing stamina by the year, Lister thought he might go round the twist.

But gradually he adjusted, forcing himself to get a grip. He had no choice, for one. And despite everything, their situation did have some upsides.

He was on Earth at least, even if it was the primitive version. The weather wasn’t always crap, varying from howling wind and rain to baking hot sun but settling sometimes for sunny and dry. He was amongst humans and let’s face it, they weren’t much more primitive than him in some ways.

In fact, the closer they got to the heart of the Roman empire the more impressed he was. It was one thing to hear Krytes reeling off facts about it; quite another to actually SEE the wide straight roads with horse-drawn carts and chariots rather than cars, the people wearing togas as everyday clothing as opposed to fancy dress, the impressive marble pillared buildings standing tall and pristine...

“Keep a sharp lookout for lemons, sirs,” Kryten said as they approached an outdoor market. “In a big Roman city like this, it’s possible that Indian traders may have outlets.”

The market was definitely the largest they’d encountered so far, with everything from rugs, blankets and shawls to spices, bread and meat. Lister stopped to savour the pungent aroma of cinnamon and felt his mouth watering. Smeg, he was hungry.

“Let’s have lunch here. I’m starving.”

“Sir, it’s barely ten-thirty in the morning,” Kryten protested.

“Yeah, but we’ve been up since dawn and walking for most of it. OK, a mid-morning snack then. And a sit down.”

“Why not a nice cup of tea and a crossword too?” Rimmer scoffed. “You really are getting past it, Listy.”

“Past it, me? I’m in me prime, I just need a quick pick-me-up. Hey, look over there! Loads of fruit stalls. Come on, two birds, one stone.”

He made a beeline for said stalls. Kryten threw up his hands and followed. Rimmer shrugged. “I suppose you never know.”

“And there might be lemons!” Cat pointed out brightly as he tuned back into the conversation.

There weren’t, of course. But it was hard to curse their luck with too much feeling as Lister feasted his eyes on the available wares. Fragrant red and purple plums, succulent sun-coloured mangoes, juicy melons…

They ended up around a wooden table, a veritable smorgasbord of fruit before them. Lister and Cat tucked in with gusto.

Face half-buried in a rosy slice of cantaloupe, Lister took a reluctant pause for breath and felt eyes on him. Looking up, he caught Rimmer staring at him. Not just staring, goggling. In a way which felt very familiar.

He twitched as a particular memory sprang to the forefront of his mind. It wasn’t that he’d forgotten this particular fetish of Rimmer’s; a certain sensitive area of his anatomy was in zero danger of that. But these days, both of them were too comfortable with each other for the kind of frantic, long-suppressed lust that the sight of a naked Lister in close proximity to fruit had finally ignited in newly hard-light Rimmer.

Or so he’d imagined. Judging by the hologram’s parted lips and glazed eyes, there was still a flickering flame there after all.

Grinning to himself, Lister took another bite of the melon before swiping his tongue across his lips to catch a dripping morsel. He didn’t even need to exaggerate really; just eating in his usual fashion would probably be more than enough. He savoured each slippery mouthful almost as much as the rapt attention Rimmer was giving him.

Laying down his finished slice, he paused to consider his next selection. “Cherry, Rimmer?” He innocently held out a pair which dangled from their joint stalk like gleaming scarlet earrings.

Rimmer gulped. “I’m … fine, thank you Listy.”

“Shame, you don’t know what you’re missing.” He underlined his point by briefly grazing his lips against the glossy surface of both cherries before popping one into his mouth. He closed his eyes as the luscious flavour exploded onto his tongue.

Kryten looked up from his inspection of their makeshift map. “I thought you were fond of fruit, sir.”

“I’m not hungry,” Rimmer lied firmly.

Cat shrugged as he picked up a mango. “More for me.”

Lister suppressed a smirk as he demolished the delectable heap of cherries on his plate under Rimmer’s ravenous gaze. Next, he plucked a perfectly ripe plum from the pile of fruit and sniffed it. Divine.

“Hey, do these remind you of anything?” he cheerily asked no-one in particular, running a finger along the groove in the fruit’s smooth skin.

Cat was too absorbed to bother responding and Kryten simply looked bemused. But the person the question had been aimed at watched him like a hawk as he pressed the plum against his lips before biting into it. Sweet wet juice stained his mouth a vivid shade of purple as the plum rapidly vanished.

Reaching for another fruit at random, he stared at the small yellow oval in his hands. “What’s this, Krytes? Doesn’t look like apricot to me.”

“That’s a variety of passionfruit, sir.”

“Oh, eh?” Lister winked at Rimmer. “I’ve gotta try one of these.”

As they set off again towards the city boundary, Kryten remarked: “I struck up a conversation with a stallholder whilst you were finishing your meal, sirs. She informed me that this side of the city outskirts is home to numerous fruit farms.”

Rimmer stiffened. Blushing despite himself, it took Lister a moment to remember their quest. “Oh, lemons! Do they have ‘em then?”

“She hadn’t heard of them, unsurprisingly, but said some of the farmers do grow fruits originally imported from other countries, so it’s entirely possible. I think it would be worth our while to spend some time looking.”

Lister jumped as a long-fingered hand grabbed his. “Excellent idea, Kryten. But we’ll make better time if we split up. Listy and I will search over here and you and Cat … can be over there.”

“But sir…”

“Nah, he’s right, Krytes. Quicker this way. See you back here in an hour!” Lister raised his voice on the last words as the hologram rushed him away.

“Or two,” Rimmer muttered.

The late spring sun shone down brightly on the fields of raspberries. In a spinney in the centre, Rimmer picked a squashed berry from his tousled curls.

“Well, I hope you’re satisfied, you fruit hussy.” But his tone held no bite.

Lister shot him a smug grin. “Yep.” He sucked his fingers and began to contentedly lick sticky crimson juice from his naked body. “And still not past it either.”

**EPILOGUE**

“Get your bags here! Genuine JC bags!”

“Hey, Jesus!” Lister stopped their recent house guest as he made his umpteenth circuit of the market. “How about a freebie?” He indicated the cloth bags slung over his shoulders.

The young man smiled as beatifically as his famous namesake. “To you, of course.” He handed one to Lister with a flourish, then moved on. “Get your bags here! Genuine JC bags!”

“What do you want that tat for?”

Lister paused significantly. “I thought we could pick up some more fruit before we leave. I really fancy some nice fresh juicy fruit.”

He watched as the penny dropped. “Great idea, Listy. But no more lemons.”

“Yeah, I’m a bit sick of ‘em too.”

“Not just that.” Rimmer cast a cautious glance over to Kryten attempting to coax Cat away from a fabric stall. “Not even you can make lemons erotic, Listy.”

Lister raised an eyebrow. “Challenge accepted.”


End file.
